Not where I belong
by Fantony
Summary: "Someone takes his coat but he doesn't pay attention. Thoughts are swirling in his mind like dancers to an endless waltz. The doors open. To his rebirth, hopefully." One shot freely inspired by Series 3 trailer. No slash but read into this whatever you like.


**Note:** _Got all excited over the trailer and had to write something about it, even though I'm perfectly aware that's not what's gonna happen in the episode and that moment with John sitting at a restaurant table, and that look on Sherlock's face at the end of the trailer probably don't even belong to the same scene but hey! ;) No slash though read into this whatever you like. _

_**Please keep in mind that I'm French, hence the English mistakes ;) **_

* * *

**NOT WHERE I BELONG**

Someone takes his coat but he doesn't pay attention. Thoughts are swirling in his mind like dancers to an endless waltz. The doors open. To his rebirth, hopefully. He tells the waitress that someone is already waiting for him but refuses her help. His heart is racing and his eyes scan the room. A man who lost all his money at poker yesterday and doesn't know how to tell his wife he can't pay the bill. A waiter who clearly hates his job. A fifty-something woman cheating on her husband with a man who could be her son. He's not with her for love. His smile is fake. He's not with her for her money either. She wouldn't be wearing a gold-plated necklace if she was rich. It's revenge. Probably on - Oh. Time stops. There he is. Everything around him suddenly becomes blurry. Everything but John.

The moustache is ridiculous but he understands why John has grown it. Apart from that, his friend hasn't changed much. Sherlock smiles fondly. A few steps. Just a few steps and he'll be there. His smile fades away as apprehension overcomes him. No, not just apprehension. Fear. Just like three years ago, on that roof. Oh, he wasn't afraid to die if ever his plan didn't work. Well, alright, maybe just a little. But he was definitely more afraid of what was ahead of him if his plan actually _did_ work. A life without John. And now, what if John doesn't want him back into his life? He's had plenty of time to think about it and he's willing to take that risk. He takes a deep breath, takes a step forward and immediately stops.

The chair in front of John isn't empty anymore. So, that's Mary. She looks exactly the same as on those pictures Mycroft had shown him. No, her hair is shorter. Half an inch. Of course, he knew he had very little time from the moment one of Mycroft's contacts let him know she had gone to the restroom but he had hoped that it would have been enough.

It doesn't matter. He's so close to his goal now. He's been waiting for this for what's like forever. In fact, the only thing which has kept his head above water for all this time is the prospect of seeing John again one day. It wouldn't be the first time he ruins a date, after all. But... that smile... That smile on John's face right now. This smile has nothing to do with the smile on the fifty-something woman's date face. This smile is... genuine. John is happy.

John. Is. Happy.

His brother's words echo in his head.

_He has moved on, Sherlock. _

Of course he has moved on. He never expected John to mourn him forever. He left Baker Street. Found himself a new job in a rehabilitation centre where he deals with road traffic injured persons, but also with wounded soldiers and it is no surprise that he's doing very well. He grew a moustache. And he met Mary. He looks at her. Her expression looks amiable and people must find her quite attractive, he supposes. And that look she's giving John. John may think love is a mystery to him, he knows the chemistry. And that look? Love. No doubt. Mary loves John and Mary makes John happy. Does he have the right to interfere? To ruin John's chance to be happy? To make a mess of his life. Again? And what does _he_ have to offer anyway? All he's ever brought John is danger and sorrow. Course, he could certainly bring John to a posh restaurant, if that made him happy, but it surely wouldn't be enough.

Posh restaurant. The words hit something in his head. He frowns.

Posh restaurant. John looking all smart in his suit and today's not a special date.

No birthday.

No anniversary.

No Valentine's day.

Oh...

Realization washes over his face and he would gladly accept the shock blanket this time.

"Excuse me, Sir," the waiter who hates his job brings him back to reality. "Have you found the person you were looking for?"

He ignores the young man. He feels like he can't breathe anymore. He needs air. He needs to get away from here. Quickly. This is not where he belongs...

* * *

"John? John! Are you ok?"

A voice and a hand gently squeezing his arm take the doctor out of his torpor.

"Yes. Yes, of course. Sorry. "

"Are you sure? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

He freezes at those words.

"No, really, it's nothing, love. I just thought... I thought I'd seen someone I knew but... Never mind. What were you saying?"

He forces a smile to his face but his heart is not at it anymore. Under the table, he discreetly places the little black box he was holding back into his pocket. He can't. He thought he could. But he just can't. He thought he had moved on but if he is ready to run after a perfect stranger who has just left the restaurant because for a second, from the back, he thought it was Sherlock, then he clearly hasn't. It was all a lie. He feels like he can't breathe anymore. He needs air. He needs to get away from here. Quickly.

"I'm sorry Mary, I really am. It's got nothing to do with you, I promise! You're the most wonderful woman on Earth, but... I'd better go..."

_Because this is not where I belong... _

* * *

_**Thanks for reading! Reviews are always welcome! :) **_

**Published on August.3 2013**


End file.
